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Wednesday, 04 April 2012

  • Misunderstood...

    I came to God " Abba I feel so misunderstood... No one understands me..."
    I sat and allowed myself to feel the pain of not being understood...
    I allowed myself to feel the loneliness of not being understood...

    Then God took me to Isaiah 53...
    He showed me Jesus praying in the garden... no one understood...
    He showed me Jesus on Trial before the Jews and Pontius Pilate... no one understood; and He was silent - who would understand what He was about to do.
    He showed me Jesus nailed naked on the cross mocked and ridiculed... No one understood... He cried "Father forgive them for they do not understand what they are doing!"

    Then God took me to Hebrews 4:14-16
    Then He spoke... "Every pain and heartache you feel and suffer as a broken human living in a sinful world... I have felt... I understand." In fact I wrapped myself in humanity and stooped low to feel and understand and know what it is like to be human.

    Then in dawned on me... His whole life on earth, what the Trinitarian God had in mind for the salvation of the world--- my salvation... NO ONE UNDERSTOOD... not even His Disciples!!! If anyone understands what it means that "no one understands." It is JESUS!

    I wept...

    Then He said "I understand you."
    Now that I your Lord and Savior have stooped down to understand... stop seeking to be understood, but seek to understand others.

    That's the Gospel :)

Thursday, 27 October 2011

  • Money: Security or Beauty?

    God, not money, should be our primary source of beauty and security. Many of us save up money obsessively for a “rainy day”; others spend money frivolously to acquire the most up-to-date status symbols and creature comforts. For the former, money is their primary source of security; for the latter, their primary source of beauty. To those who see money as their security, Jesus says, “Consider the birds of the air. They don’t save money, yet God takes care of them” (Matt. 6:26, author paraphrase). God can take care of you better than money ever could. So don’t worry about tomorrow, because God is better security than money. To those who see money as their beauty, Jesus says, “Consider the flowers of the field. They don’t spend a lot of money, yet God makes them beautiful . . . even Solomon in his glory days was not as pretty as the flowers!” (Matt. 6:28–29, author paraphrase).8 In other words, God will add a beauty, significance, and enjoyment to your life that money cannot. So you don’t have to spend all your money adding those things into your life. Let God be your beauty and security.

    Greear, J.D.; Keller, Timothy (2011-09-13). Gospel: Recovering the Power that Made Christianity Revolutionary (p. 138). B&H Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.


Wednesday, 21 September 2011

Thursday, 14 July 2011

  • Two routes to holiness...

    These past 2 years I have been pondering and meditating on some thoughts I haven't been able to put into words... while finishing Andrew Murray's Abide in Christ, I was surprised when I read this...

    There are two natures in the believer (Clement's own interpretation: Flesh and Spirit) - and so two ways of seeking holiness, as we allow the principles of the one or the other nature to guide is. The one is the carnal way, in which we put forth out utmost efforts and resolutions, trusting Christ to help us in doing so. The other is the spiritual way, in which, as those who have died and can do nothing, out one care is to receive Christ day by day and at every step to let Him live and work in us.

    I don't know if I completely agree with Murray yet; but in my reading of Romans, as well as through experience and my growing understanding of the Gospel - I think Murray is right --- I think there is so much teaching (I am one of the teachers) on putting in our utmost effort to defeat sin, and to mortify the flesh through our efforts - but more and more those efforts lead to despair. And when in despair a believer could learn to cry out to God saying " I give up... I cannot do this anymore... unless you work it in me I cannot kill my flesh..." That's when faith kicks in - that's when all the believer has hope in is Christ; and the believer leans to receive Christ - to depend on Christ and hold tight to Christ even when he falls - and in daily dependence and helplessness the Holy Spirit takes over Christ takes over.

    I do believe there are some who obtain a certain level of success in disciplining themselves out of habitual sins and experience some type of victory through their efforts. Yet I find that these believers who have successfully mastered certain sinful behavior fall into a greater bondage of sin - the sin of pride - the sin that says "I can do it and therefore I am a good Christian - I have made myself into the image of Jesus Christ..." This is worse because the believer cannot see his own pride. These believers know nothing about patience with others; they miss out on the Gospel. When they fall these believers hide their sin; and refuse to share with others.

    If at the end it is about God's glory - and if indeed the Gospel message exclaims "I cannot save myself, but Christ saves me..."  Then death to self - death to self effort - is what believers ought to learn: What keeps us from sin is not self effort - it is our helplessness - knowing that our flesh is strong - but not to despair, but fall before Christ and depend on His Holy Spirit who is in us - whose power in us keeps our flesh crucified day by day. And because of Jesus the flesh has no power over us. All the glory is His!

Tuesday, 05 July 2011

  • Unprocessed

    It's been a while since I had left so many things unprocessed. I usually am quick and desperate to figure out the things of my heart--- I guess leaving many things unprocessed has affected the frequency of my xanga blogging. Xanga is often my 2nd stage of processing --- it helps me understand things better when I verbalize it --- typing it out helps bring the things of my heart into reality. Even as I type this time... I am not even sure if I want to process.

    Here it goes...

    Since March 1999 I had felt God's calling for me to be in full time ministry... and from then I had some sort of direction to look to--- knowing that ministry was God's plan for my life. I graduated seminary Dec 2010 so after 11 years of looking forward to being in full time ministry... here I am realizing I have no idea what it means to be in full time ministry. I find myself saying "this is not what I expected..." But when I stop and think about what I expected... I realized all along I had no idea what to expect. I have always loved teenagers and running around with them; pointing them to Jesus Christ. I knew what it means to be a mentor; a youth counselor... being a youth pastor is bring out a bunch of insecurities. Let's just say I have always loved playing basketball... but now I am told... I cannot play nearly as much basketball but more and more and more and more of my time needs to be invested in coaching. I know how to play... and now I am going through the tough process of being a coach. Back when I was a youth counselor the youth pastor shielded me from a lot of the ugliness of fleshly activities in the church... now that I am on staff I have a front row view of how ugly things are. I don't know what I was expecting--- but I know I was not expecting this.

    I am supposed to set a direction for the youth ministry... I hope I am hearing God right. I am supposed to lead a missions trip in August... but I have never gone on a mission trip. Overall... At the end of the day it almost feels like I am responsible for the spiritual lives of each teen in our church. As if all i do determines how many teens are going to walk with God the rest of their lives. I have been asked to communicate to parents... adult volunteers... but I have no idea what to communicate... I am still trying to figure things out. Honestly it is hard to sit back and remind myself that how I "perform" as a youth pastor is not who I am.

    Going to Dallas Chinese Christian Youth Camp helped to renew my passion for youth ministry because I see God work and I am reminded why I love being a youth pastor. It warmed my heart when I heard some young counselors share about how their hearts broke for certain teens. This is like the first time I actually take real joy seeing others love teenagers. Still after crossing paths with some teenagers I carry their hurts as if they were my own. I find myself thankful... yet extremely tired after a week of ministry. I just started in March... and I am already a tired youth pastor.

    Perhaps this is like learning to ride a bike... it's painful and also tiring.... but I am looking forward to the ride when I have adjusted. Yet I know I have to be mindful that God's ultimate goal for me is not youth ministry--- His ultimate goal is for me to know Him. Youth ministry is a time of sanctification which He is using to draw me even closer to His heart.